


Traveling Alone

by Alfastanna_Thackeray



Series: Pact Commander Scaea Jotunkin [1]
Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Stream of Consciousness, The Commander is having a bad time, The commander refuses to acknowledge the big sad, post-lws4, pre-shadow in the ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27892270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alfastanna_Thackeray/pseuds/Alfastanna_Thackeray
Summary: Some musings about The Commander post-dealing with Kralk and just after receiving the message from Jhavi to start A Shadow in the Ice. The Commander has been in the game a while and hasn't really been herself in quite some time.
Relationships: Eir Stegalkin/Player Character (Mentioned)
Series: Pact Commander Scaea Jotunkin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042416
Kudos: 6





	Traveling Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real attempt at fic and this is mostly just me trying to get in my main commander's head after everything she's been through. In my head, she wasn't young when she was recruited for all of the Pact events and I have her close to Eir's age. She was officially in a relationship with Eir before the campaign against Zhaitan truly got started in earnest and losing her during HoT was one of the hardest hits she's taken emotionally. 
> 
> Title is from "Traveling Alone" by Woods of Ypres, which I listened to a lot while writing this.  
> The work is not beta-ed, but I appreciate any notes you might want to leave.

It wasn’t that she could no longer go home, but rather that it would require her to feel like she had one to return to. Even the familiar hills and snow drifts of the Shiverpeaks felt empty these days and the icy wind hadn’t been a welcoming embrace in what felt like a lifetime. It wasn’t that the cold bothered her, rather that even the clinging frost did little to stir even more than a shred of sensation. She couldn’t recall how just long she had been like this or when she had begun to retreat so far inward, only that at some point, even when under the scorching heat of the Crystal Desert, the sun no longer seemed to seep into her skin. Long before making her way to the Far Shiverpeaks, she realized that pieces of her were missing and never coming back. The Commander found that she could no longer look at Hoelbrak and feel as though she belonged, even the welcome warmth that always seemed to come from Wolf’s Sanctuary had disappeared as time passed. 

It had been so long since she felt like she could settle into her own skin and just be the Norn she used to be. Even among her own guild she couldn’t lay down the mantle that she had carried for so long, as it felt like few could even remember her name. She hadn't been "Scaea" in a very long time. In ever more rare moments of peace she was constantly reminded that she shoulders a unique burden and that she will always have a responsibility to Tyria. That until the Elder Dragons are dealt with and the magic balance in the world restored, she won’t know true respite. But what then? What happens when there are no more Dragons to fight? When the world no longer needs saving, where does that leave the Commander? The Commander who has bled for Tyria, who has shed so much of herself to rally the world behind her, who has lost more in her bid to protect the world than she could have ever imagined. Even in death she had not found rest or relief, the agony of being cleaved in two after being toyed with by a vengeful god had ensured that even in the Mists, her work was forever undone. Every brush with her own mortality since has felt like a tease, a cosmic reminder that she would never be allowed to leave so easily. 

There were some brighter spots, to be fair, her connection with Aurene being one of the most luminous. At least that bond held clarity, she knew who she was within it and where she stood. There was none of the guesswork that so often came with the rest of Dragons Watch and their complicated history. Her bonds with all of them were certainly strong, forged in the trials of combat and loss, at times in the literal flames of war, but with each trial that came their way it became more and more apparent that she was still something of an outsider. She was the anomaly, the one who fought her way from the brink of non-existence, the one who no longer felt mortal despite how close she had come to sliding over that edge time and time again. There was no remedy for it, none that would not come with a heavy price. How else would one prove their own mortality, aside from being thoroughly extinguished from this life? But even then, death was no longer a guarantee of rest, if the events of Kralkatorrik’s final weeks were to carry any weight. Warriors long lost to the Mists were called to action and they answered in force, even the spectre of her beloved Eir. No, knowing her luck, death would only mean more work and even more weight thrust upon her shoulders. 

Even so, it was only a matter of time. Despite her reputation, she knew she was far from invincible. It was only a matter of time before old injuries would begin to take their toll and while she was a number of years away from going grey, she was no longer the young slayer she had been after taking down Issormir, when her Legend first began to take shape. As it stood, she could only hope that she could finish this business surrounding Jormag and their strange offer before she passed into the Mists. Maybe if she managed to survive this, she could leave this life behind for good. She could take time to herself in the solitude that could only be found in the further reaches of the Shiverpeaks. She could retire to the wilderness and live out the last of her years hunting in peace, living the life she had dreamt she would share with a kindred spirit. Eir wouldn’t be with her, but she could pretend for a time that she was satisfied. If nothing else, she knew she was waiting for her in the Mists. It was difficult not to find it a tempting prospect.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it, I don't exactly know what I'm doing here but I love this game and this fandom so much. Thank you for reading this far!


End file.
